For the purpose of this post, I want to focus on the latter question.
While inappropriate clothing is an issue that can affect
both sexes, we tend to emphasize the dress of the fairer sex more
frequently. This is probably because A) ladies
typically put more emphasis on their clothing, B) ladies have more “areas” that
need to be covered and C) men tend to be more visually stimulated and thus more
susceptible to the sin of lust, which (fair or not) is very much related to
what ladies are wearing.
The issue of what ladies wear to church is apparently not
a new one, because Paul addresses it in 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “in like manner also,
that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and
moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but,
which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”
The first thing I would point out here is that there IS a
standard! For some ladies, the very idea
of even raising the question, raises their hackles. But, clearly, the Bible tells ladies they are
to dress in modest clothing, with propriety (decency), and moderation
(discretion). The notion, then, that
there should not be any sort of standard
for what we wear to church is simply unbiblical.
Now, of course, the fun begins when we attempt to arrive
at a common definition for “modesty.” Who
gets to set that standard? For some
denominations, pants are immodest. Some
would say bare shoulders cross the line.
Some would say shoulders are okay, just watch the neckline. What about length of skirt? To the ankles? The knees?
Or the old fingertip rule? (This
is the rule at my daughter’s junior high school, so I would hate to think the
church is any more liberal than that.) I
once heard of a culture that considered ankle bones to be the most erotic part
of a woman’s body!
The definition of modesty changes from culture to
culture, and from generation to generation.
What’s considered immodest in Missouri may not be so in Mozambique. What’s deplorable to a 72 year-old may be
conservative to a 27 year-old. How in
the world do we ever go about arriving at a consensus? Because in terms of a specific dress code, it
doesn’t exist. At least not in
Scripture.
If we look for biblical principles that may be a help to
us here, may I suggest 1 Corinthians 8?
In that passage, some Christians are eating meat at their regular meals that
had previously been sacrificed to idols in pagan religious ceremonies. From these Christians’ perspective, meat was
meat! They knew the idols weren’t real
and they didn’t worship the idols, so who cares? No need to let good meat go to waste! However, other believers at Corinth who had
come out of that pagan background took exception to this practice. In their minds, they very much connected the
meat to the idol, and so it “defiled their conscience” (it upset them) to see their
brothers and sisters in Christ chowing down on tainted meat (so to speak).
Now here’s the key – How did Paul instruct this first
group of believers to respond to the concerns of the second group of
believers? After all, the first group of
believers wasn’t doing anything wrong!
Paul flatly says eating or not eating makes them no better or no worse. So what does he tell them? “Shake it off! It’s none of their business! They need to worry about themselves!” NO! He
tells them, “Beware lest somehow this liberty of yours becomes a stumbling block
to those who are weak… Therefore, if
food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my
brother stumble.” Did you catch
that? No liberty is worth making our
brother stumble. Not eating steak and
not even wearing spaghetti straps.
To be sure, the men folk have a responsibility in all of this
as well. Contrary to what is often depicted,
men are not helpless over where our eyes settle, or the thoughts we entertain
in our mind. One person has said, “It’s
one thing to have a bird land on your head.
It’s another thing to let it build a nest there.” The sin of lust doesn’t happen because we see
a woman in a low cut blouse. The sin of
lust happens because we take that second, prolonged glance, and then allow our
imagination to run from there. In other
words, guys, the sin of lust is on us.
We’re not Neanderthals that are slave to our base instincts. We have the power, through the Holy Spirit in
us, to look the other way. To think on
other things. Anyone who blames their
lust on a woman’s dress isn’t being real with themselves.
At the same time, ladies, would you please help us out a
bit? I’m not sure a lot of women really
understand how powerful the temptation of lust is for men, and how visually oriented
most men are. And here’s the thing,
ladies… There are solid Christian men in
your church who genuinely want to honor you and the Lord by not lusting with
their eyes, but they are weak! (Just
like the Corinthians!) For you to wear a
revealing dress in front of them is like sitting down with a friend trying to
quit Mountain Dew, popping the tab on a can of that sweet nectar, taking a loud
slurp, and finishing with a big “aaahhh.”
Then turning to the friend and saying, “You don’t mind, do you?”
Now at this point, most of us have a little voice in our
head that says, “So that’s how it is, huh?
I just let other people dictate what I do, right? What about MY feelings? What about MY preferences? What about MY rights?” Make no mistake, dear Christian, that is the
voice of your flesh. In contrast, the
voice of the Spirit is “gentle, willing to yield.” Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “in lowliness
of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own
interests, but also for the interests of others.” When we dress with the mind of Christ (or do
anything for that matter) we will always consider the effects our decisions
have on others.
So, in closing, how do we apply these principles in the
church? I’m certainly not advocating for
any kind of “modesty police.” The last
thing we need are a bunch of Barney Fifes running around the church measuring
girls’ skirts. Nor do I as a pastor feel
comfortable approaching a lady and saying, “Can we talk about your plunging
neckline?” No, this is the kind of thing
on which there simply needs to be mutual accountability. Husband, if your wife is about to wear
something to church that you know will have men’s eyes looking at her in an
impure way, you need to (gently) address that situation. (And vice-versa where it applies.) Likewise, friends need to hold friends
accountable. Older Christians need to tenderly
direct younger Christians.
Confession time: As
a pastor, I once wore shorts to VBS. An
older man pulled me aside after it was over that night and privately told me
that when I sat down you could see way too far up my leg. Was it embarrassing at the time? Horribly!
Am I glad he did it?
Absolutely. He didn’t make a big
deal out of it. I knew he meant it in
love. And I learned a valuable lesson. (No one wants to see their pastor’s upper
thigh!) There needs to be more of this
kind of accountability in the church!
May I add one more thing?... In fairness, my wife tells me it can be nearly impossible
for a woman to even find modest clothing to purchase. She also tells me that ladies’ bodies change,
and sometimes what others consider “indecency” is simply clothes that don’t fit
right, and the lady is no more happy about it than anyone else! I add that just to say this… Let’s not judge one another’s hearts or
motives in our dress. Let’s just be
determined to consider others in what we wear, and encourage one another in this area, in a
spirit of Christian love.
