This is one pastor's call to end the cheesiness of church marquees. While clever, little one-liners (such as the one above) may cause a good chuckle among those in the "church bubble," I'm convinced lost people read such things and hear Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. Far be it from me to be a fuddy-duddy, but I would even argue that goofy church signs make a mockery of the church and its purpose. So churches, instead of trying to be witty, use your marquee to promote events, announce the birth of a child, or quote Scripture. And please remember that wonderful nugget of marquee wisdom, "God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts." (I just shuddered.) Otherwise, your sign may as well say this . . .